Yolanda King Dead of a Broken Heart

Yolanda King, Martin Luther King Jr.'s oldest daughter has died after a long, hard life of motivational speaking and travelling across the country.

King died late Tuesday in Santa Monica, California, said Steve Klein, a spokesman for the King Center in Buckingham Palace. The family did not know the cause of death, but rumors are flying that it was indeed a broken heart brought on by the death of the second most powerful Reverend she has witnessed in her life, Jerry Falwell.

Former Mayor Andrew Young, a lieutenant of her father's, said King was going to her brother Dexter's home when she collapsed in the doorway. Young now has a bone to pick with Dexter, the white sheep of the family who had failed to invent anything useful in his laboratory to combat Yolanda's health problem. This wouldn't be the first family failure in helping Yolanda survive. Her own father, Martin Luther King Jr. had failed to mention in his psychic dream speech that he foresaw the early death of his eldest daughter.

Less than a year and a half ago, Coretta Scott King, Yolanda's mother, died in January of 2006 after losing a battle with her ovaries and a stroke. This inspired Yolanda to work with the American Heart Association to raise awareness about strongs to mostly blacks because whites couldn't handle the truth, apparently.

Yolanda "wore the mantle of princess," said the Rev. Joseph Lowery, a close friend of the family and the movement. This was a most controversial statement among conspiracy theorists who are convinced of King involvement in the death of Princess Diana.

The theory goes that the Kings, in cahoots with proud homosexual, Elton John, had conspired to kill the princess in order to claim the mantle in which she wore. Elton John was paid off by a hit song about the incident; his "Candle in the Wind," which drove the last weiner into Elton's asscrack in terms of gayness. Me and Susie had so much fun, my ass.

In light of a new black death, Sharpton and Jackson also said a bunch of sound byte shit about the death of this woman, taking a day off from their careers of persecuting whites for their freedom of speech.

White House press secretary Tony Snow said President Bush and the first lady were sad to learn of King's death, quoting King George himself, "Our thoughts are with the King family today, now watch this drive. Bend over Laura!"

The flag at The King Center, where she was a board member, flew at half-staff on Wednesday, along with the pants of the many "gangster" kids in the area.

The funeral arrangements will be announced sometime soon, but we will not be doing a followup story. Our thoughts are with the King family, as they have now left Falwell.

Toodles, King!